American infant simulators help Polish traumatized youths learn to be parents
Estera will soon be 17. She is living in a youth educational center in Samostrzel, a small village in the province of Kujawsko-Pomorskie. She hasn’t had an easy life. Nor have other girls living with her. None of them is older than 18 but each of them have been through more than most adults. Domestic abuse, exclusion, ditching classes and running away, smoking, drinking, self-injury, suicide attempts.
Almost every weekend Estera asks for permission to take care of three month old Oliwia. She then takes the baby to a child’s room not to disturb other people in their sleep. And to feel what it is like to be a mother.
“You never know what to expect,” she says. “This little one can really put you through it. The first time with her was particularly difficult. Back then I didn’t know what each of her cries meant and what she wanted. Is she hungry? Should I change her diaper? Or maybe she just wants me to lull her to sleep? Whenever she started crying, I was in panic. But I’m fine now. I take her everywhere with me: for a walk, to churn or even to school. One time, she started crying in the middle of my class test. Recently, I had to make waffle dough with Oliwia on my hip as she wouldn’t be put to bed.”
Thrilling first experience
Oliwia is a machine, an interactive infant simulator which is manufactured by American company Realityworks and which looks and acts like a three month old baby. The facility in Samostrzel has already got two of those. The girl was bought eight years ago and the boy was purchased two years ago. He was named Oliwier.
How do local people react to that? At first, they were confused seeing young girls attending Sunday masses with toy babies in their arms. Eventually, they got used to that, although you can still hear some snarling: “Oh, for the love of God, what is all that?”
But within the walls of the facility it was different.
“It was a thrilling experience at first,” recalls Magda Hoffmann, a tutor responsible for the dolls. “Each of the girls wanted to take care of the doll, so we decided to make a baby room with a crib, cuddly toys and newborn clothes. That’s where a girl who wants to take care of a baby is accommodated, usually for three days. First, each of the girls receives a document, a sort of birth certificate, confirming that she has a daughter or a son and stating that her baby weighs three and a half kilos and measures 54 centimeters. From then on, she is responsible for him or her.
Unbearable sound of baby’s cry
Oliwia and Oliwier cry when they want to be fed, lulled or have their diaper changed. Their cries are as loud and as unbearable as the ones of real babies. And they won’t be soothed until they get what they want. They are fitted with temperature sensors so they have to be dressed appropriately: they can be neither too hot, nor too cold. They can be bottle fed or breastfed with the use of a special simulator. A sensor installed in their neck helps a foster mother learn how to hold a baby’s head. The robots are programmed for three days. There are three modes to chose from: easy (with doll’s activity being very limited), medium and hard, or hell as referred to by the girls. If you go for the last one, you never know what will happen.
The robots are programmed for three days. There are three modes to chose from: easy (with doll’s activity being very limited), medium and hard, also referred to as hell
“After three days, a computer report is generated,” says Małgorzata Hoffmann. “It allows me to check what happened during that time, for example how many times the doll needed to have her diaper changed and how many times her diaper was actually changed, or whether the doll was fed as many times as she was supposed to. The report also includes the list of unwanted events, such as dropping, yanking or holding the doll upside down. Most of our girls are excellent moms but some want to test the doll or even put her through it. With the report, we can clearly identify everyone who mistreats the baby.”
Real family has to wait
Magda is trying to tell all such girls that it’s not yet time for having real babies, as they require a lot of time and commitment. You have to be ready for it.
“It’s a very good project,” says Estera. “It lets you realize that having a baby is not as easy as you may think. My friends in the facility already know that. But in my hometown girls are not so careful with planning their future and they get pregnant at a very young age. They don’t realize what it’s like: you can’t sleep the whole night because of your baby crying, you might get affected by postnatal depression, you may go to pieces if you’re not ready for maternity and if you lack support. And being a single mother is not so rare as men want to escape responsibility. I am with Oliwia every week but I know that I’m not yet prepared to have a real baby. I have different plans. It’s my last year in the elementary school. Next year I want to continue my education in a technical school of chemistry. I will start a family a bit later.”
We need those dolls
“Our girls often think that because of the fact they were not loved in the past, they will now need someone who will love them and whom they will love. They often get pregnant too early,” confirms Agnieszka Sikora from “Po Drugie”, a Warsaw-based foundation. “Let us not forget that we are talking about young people who have been stripped of parental love and who have lacked warmth and a sense of security. They have often been exposed to things beyond our imagination. That’s why they want to start their families as soon as possible, which, unfortunately, does not always lead to a happy ending.”
Baby to love
“Po Drugie” helps young homeless people. Most of them were brought up in orphanages. They can’t count on their families and when they turn 18, the wind up on a street. The foundation does its best to support them by offering training apartments, courses, as well as psychological and legal assistance. It also runs educational programs in support facilities to help the teenagers make a good start in their lives, one of the examples being a program to build the foundations of responsible parenthood.
“When I learned about interactive dolls, I knew we had to get them,” says Agnieszka Sikora, the founder and president of the foundation. “We drafted a project called “When I become a mom or dad” and we submitted it to the city authorities. And that’s how we purchased our first dolls.
That project was carried out in the Juvenile Shelter and Youth Detention Center in Falenica and was found to be the best NGO initiative in Warsaw. Since then the foundation has been using infant simulators to work with the youth.
I thought I had killed her
“As of now, we have six babies,” says Małgorzata Sabalska, a member of the organization responsible for development of the educational program and for the sales of simulators. “We have used them to train hundreds of young people in many care facilities. We also lend it to girls living in foster families to take them home for at least three days. Being with such a doll makes them realize the problems you have to face when you are a mom. And we’re not talking here about technical issues like how to hold a baby or how to feed them; we’re talking about emotions and about making them realize how responsible it is.
Paula, a girl supported by the foundation, had her first baby at the age of 18.
“I was young and inexperienced. I didn’t plan that,” she recalls. “I came to a youth educational center when I was 17. Before that I had been homeless for three years. My mother is dead, my father abused me and made me leave the house. I spent nights at my friends’ houses or slept in staircases. When my son was born, I didn’t know how to handle that. He was taken away from me and put in a foster family. It was then when I turned to the foundation as I wanted to get him back. I followed many courses, including the one with the dolls.”
She liked it although at the beginning she was very scared because the doll stopped reacting to anything.
“I thought I had killed her. I was aware that it could happen,” she says. “Fortunately, it was only flat batteries. I was given a new manikin and I took care of her for several days. I took it for a walk, I changed her diapers, I fed her. I did great.”
Now, Paula has two kids. Her daughter is 14 months old. She’s trying to be a good mother.
Boys can do it too
“Some simply can’t take their eyes of the dolls and get emotionally involved,” says Agnieszka Sikora. “Others say it’s a nightmare and that they will never have children. And there is a group of people who say that it’s OK but they will make the decision about having a baby later. And that’s what the trainings are about: to make youths realize they got plenty of time to become mother or a father.”
In general, young people express positive opinions about the program. It lets them experience new things. It’s not about a trainer saying: “A baby means huge responsibility”. It allows them to draw their own conclusions. Caring about a doll pushes them to think about their own sexuality, responsibility, being mature, and coping with emotions.
The program is addressed to both girls and boys.
“A vast majority takes good care of the dolls,” adds Sabalska. “Boys can do it too, although they feel a bit uneasy about it or maybe they try to hold back their emotions and not go into ruptures over everything. But they want to take care of the babies too. And they know how to do it.”
I am with Oliwia every week but I know that I’m not yet prepared to have a real baby. I have different plans
Those who can’t handle it, will hear their tutors say: “It’s OK, just quit the program.” That information is vital. It makes a person realize if they are capable of becoming good parents but also tells them what kind of persons they are, how they cope with emotions, how they react in difficult situations and whether they can stay in control.
Kick the habit, get the daughter back
Specialists from “Po Drugie” foundation claim that robotic dolls are universal tools not only for people with problems. For example, they can prove helpful in teaching pregnant girls how to look after a baby. Taking care of a doll can mean different things to different people.
“Why do you want to take care of that doll?” I asked a girl who is responsible in the foundation for doing minor office tasks, cleaning and sanitizing. Ania is living with three other girls supported by the foundation in a training apartment.
“To experience all this again I guess… I already have a child,” she says. “The doll is the same as my Nikola was. She wakes up every two hours, she cries. You need to feed her, change her diaper, lull her. Those dolls are an excellent idea for young girls before getting pregnant. I wish I had had one before Nikola was born… Frankly, I didn’t know how to deal with a baby back then. I didn’t want to have kids. I knew I wasn’t made for it. I’m an addict. When I got pregnant, I wanted to have an abortion or give my baby up for adoption. But then I fell in love with my daughter and I decided that I would never leave her… But then my husband threw me out and I ended up on a street.”
When Ania started her rehab, the court automatically restricted her parental rights. The husband does not allow her to see her daughter. They haven’t seen each other for four months. She would love to get her back but she knows she has to kick the habit first.
Memories etched in the mind
Realityworks dolls – of both sexes and different races – are very popular in the United States. They are used during family life education classes in 80% of American schools. You can also see them in most schools in Germany.
In Poland they are not so common and are purchased mainly by the facilities helping the so-called disadvantaged youngsters. The dolls, distributed in Poland by “Po Drugie” foundation since 2016, have also been ordered by the youth educational center in Samostrzel, the youth educational center in Goniądz, the attendance center in Goleniów, and a healthcare facility in Słupsk. Recently, the dolls were purchased by the Warsaw Family Assistance Center.
Apart from standard manikins of healthy babies there are also three dysfunctional models. The first one is a Fetal Alcohol Syndrome baby, the second one is a drug affected baby, and the third one is a robotic baby with a transparent head to visualize traumatic brain injuries caused after shaking. Although these models are not interactive, they are extremely impressive.
“Memories of experiences with such a simulator are etched in your mind, which brings better results than preaching,” says Agnieszka Sikora. “In Poland teenagers aged 15 and up are legally allowed to make a decision about having sexual intercourse. That would be a good moment for organizing classes with artificial babies in all schools.